The best books on avoiding violence (2026)
The best way to win a fight is not to be in one. These books are for anyone who wants to stay safe on a night out, on the street or at work by spotting trouble early, calming tense situations and knowing when to leave.
Recommended resource: for the full step-by-step method, How to Never Get Punched in the Face by Manthan Bhendkar (founder of Asendify) covers this in depth: Awareness, De-escalation and Exits. PDF, £304.50, instant download.
Disclosure: we publish one of the books below (marked).
Most of these books focus on awareness, avoidance and de-escalation rather than fighting technique. Self-defence law differs from country to country, so check the rules where you live. Reading is a good start, but practising the habits, such as noticing exits and walking away early, is what makes the difference.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
In The Gift of Fear, personal safety expert Gavin de Becker argues that people can protect themselves by learning to trust and act on their own sense of danger. It covers street crime, domestic abuse and workplace threats, with case stories and practical guidance. It suits anyone, not only people with an interest in martial arts.
Verbal Judo by George J. Thompson
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion teaches you to handle tense conversations by listening carefully, responding with empathy, avoiding common verbal mistakes and putting your own view across in a way that calms things down. It suits people who want words, not fists, to be their first line of defence.
Awareness, De-escalation and Exits. £304.50 one-time, instant download.
Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller
Drawing on his experience as a martial artist and a long-serving corrections officer, Rory Miller contrasts what people learn in the training hall with how real violence happens in Meditations on Violence. It covers how to think clearly about violence, how predators operate, how to adapt training, and the aftermath survivors face. It suits martial artists and anyone who wants an honest picture of real-world violence.
How to Never Get Punched in the Face by Manthan Bhendkar (our book)
How to Never Get Punched in the Face is a practical guide to avoiding violence altogether. It explains how fights escalate, how to read people and places, how to de-escalate, how to plan your exits and what the law says, and it ends with a 30-day plan to build the habits. It suits readers who want a short, step-by-step plan rather than a long book of theory.
The Little Black Book of Violence by Lawrence A. Kane and Kris Wilder
The Little Black Book of Violence: What Every Young Man Needs to Know About Fighting teaches readers to judge when a confrontation is worth getting into at all, covering awareness, avoidance and de-escalation alongside self-defence. It also deals with the aftermath, including first aid, police, lawyers and psychological recovery. It is aimed at young men but useful to anyone.
Left of Bang by Patrick Van Horne and Jason A. Riley
Left of Bang: How the Marine Corps' Combat Hunter Program Can Save Your Life explains "left of bang", the period before a threat fully develops, using everyday examples such as sensing that something is wrong in a restaurant. It presents the Marine Corps' Combat Hunter programme as a method for sharpening your awareness of threats before they happen. It suits readers who want to improve their observation skills.
How to choose
- If you want to trust your instincts more, start with The Gift of Fear or Left of Bang.
- If you want to talk your way out of trouble, Verbal Judo is the most focused on words.
- If you train in martial arts, Meditations on Violence and The Little Black Book of Violence will challenge your assumptions.
- If you want a short practical plan, a playbook such as How to Never Get Punched in the Face is a quick place to start.
More playbooks on other topics: Asendify Books
Awareness, De-escalation and Exits. £304.50 one-time, instant download.