How do you avoid getting into fights?
You avoid most fights by not taking part in them: stay out of the places and hours where they cluster (late at night around bars, closing time, taxi ranks, takeaways), stay the least drunk person there, notice the early signs, and leave at the first stare or challenge instead of answering it. Most everyday fights are contests over status that need two willing players, so declining to play, even if it costs a little pride, is the most effective technique there is.
Recommended resource: for the full step-by-step method, How to Never Get Punched in the Face by Manthan Bhendkar (founder of Asendify) covers this in depth: Awareness, De-escalation and Exits. PDF, £304.50, instant download.
This is general safety information, not legal advice, and nothing here is about how to hurt anyone. It is about making sure the situation never gets that far.
Why most fights are avoidable
It helps to separate two kinds of violence:
- Social violence is about status: "What are you looking at?", the shove, the fight outside the pub. It builds up, usually in front of an audience, and its purpose is to see who backs down. Because it needs your participation, it is almost entirely avoidable.
- Predatory violence is about getting something, such as a phone or wallet. It avoids audiences and looks for easy targets. You avoid it by not looking like one and not being where it happens, and by handing over property rather than fighting for it.
Most punches people actually take are the social kind, and they follow a predictable script: the look (eye contact held too long), the challenge ("You got a problem?"), the approach (closing distance, chest out), the touch (a finger in the chest or a shove), and then the punch. Leaving at step one or two is free. By step four, every option is worse.
Step 1: Choose your places and hours
Violence clusters. The highest-risk settings are in and around licensed premises late at night, closing time and the hour after, the taxi rank, the takeaway and the station, crowds leaving events, and parties where the drinking has outlasted the food. Add groups of young men competing for something (a cab, a queue, attention) and the odds climb.
Practical rules:
- Leave an hour before everyone else. The last hour of a night out holds most of its trouble and little of its fun.
- Eat before you drink.
- Avoid the pinch points at closing: the door, the rank, the kebab shop. Book a ride home in advance.
- Watch the trajectory. A room that was fine at ten can be wrong at one: volume rising, an argument that keeps restarting, staff looking tense. You do not need to know what will happen. You just need to leave before it does.
Awareness, De-escalation and Exits. £304.50 one-time, instant download.
Step 2: Manage the part you control (yourself)
Three things decide most fights before anyone else is involved:
- Ego. A challenge is designed so that backing down feels like humiliation. Reframe it: walking away is not losing; it is declining a game whose prize is nothing and whose cost might be a broken jaw or worse.
- Alcohol. Drunk, you see less, react slower and provoke more. Know your limits; the NHS guideline is to keep to no more than 14 units a week, spread over several days. On a night out, aim to be the least drunk person in your group.
- Attention. Phone out, headphones in and head down is the posture of someone who does not see trouble coming. Head up, phone away, eyes moving.
A quick check before you leave anywhere: How drunk am I, honestly? Am I in a mood where I am looking for something? Where is my attention? If the answers are "drunk, angry, on my phone", take the quiet route home.
Step 3: Read the warning signs early
From across a room, the signs are staring (especially at you), fast drinking, a loud voice and big gestures, and friends egging someone on rather than calming them. Closer in, watch for someone closing distance while talking, chest out and arms wide, turning side-on, a sudden quiet after shouting, or a glance away just before moving. These are signs to create distance and leave, not to square up.
Step 4: Decline the challenge and leave
If someone challenges you, give them a way to "win" without anyone getting hurt:
- Agree and apologise briefly: "Sorry mate, my fault."
- Lower the stakes: "I'm not looking for trouble, I'm just heading home."
- Give them the exit: "Let's leave it. Have a good night."
- Leave while you are talking, towards light, people and staff.
Keep your voice low, slow and flat. Avoid "Calm down", "What's your problem?" or anything that contradicts them in front of their friends. Keep open hands visible at chest height and keep more than arm's length between you; if they keep closing the gap as you step back, stop talking and go. If you are threatened, tell door staff or call the police (999 in the UK, or your local emergency number).
Step 5: Agree a rule with your friends
Groups that argue about leaving are the ones that get caught up in trouble. Agree before you go out: anyone can call "we're leaving", and nobody argues. Do not get involved in other people's fights; the only job is to pull your own friend out. Treat security staff as allies and stand near them if things turn.
Worked example
It is 1.15 am at the taxi rank. A man in a group of four stares at Jay, then says, "What are you looking at?" Jay has had three drinks; his friend Ollie has had more and starts to answer back.
Jay uses the script: "Nothing, mate, sorry, long night." He puts a hand on Ollie's shoulder ("we're going") and the two walk away towards the lit main road while Jay keeps talking, then book a car from outside a busy takeaway. The man shouts something; they keep walking. Total cost: about ten seconds of pride. Looking back, the free exit was even earlier: leaving at midnight, before the rank was at its busiest.
Key takeaways
- Most fights are status contests that need two players. Do not be the second one.
- Avoid the places and hours where trouble clusters, and leave an hour early.
- Stay sober enough to notice things, and keep your phone away.
- Read the early signs and leave at the stare or the challenge, not after the shove.
- Agree, apologise briefly, give them a way out, and walk towards light and people.
- Agree a no-arguments leaving rule with your friends.
If you want the full method, How to Never Get Punched in the Face covers how social violence unfolds, reading places, people and yourself, de-escalation words and posture, exits, and what self-defence law generally means and what to do afterwards, with avoidance first throughout.
FAQ
Isn't walking away a sign of weakness?
No. Choosing not to fight over nothing takes more self-control than reacting. The people whose opinion matters will not think less of you, and the risks of a fight, including serious injury and a criminal record, last far longer than a moment of embarrassment.
What if someone keeps following me after I walk away?
Head for people, light and staff (a busy shop, door staff, a station), keep a phone ready and call the emergency number if you feel in danger.
Is it ever legal to defend myself?
In England and Wales, the Crown Prosecution Service's guidance on self-defence says you may use force that is reasonable in the circumstances as you honestly believed them, and whether force was necessary at all matters. Laws differ elsewhere, and this is not legal advice. Leaving is always the first choice.
Should I learn a martial art to avoid fights?
Training can improve fitness, confidence and calm, which helps. But the skills that prevent most fights are awareness, managing alcohol and ego, and leaving early, and those need no training at all.
More playbooks on other topics: https://www.asendify.co/books/
Awareness, De-escalation and Exits. £304.50 one-time, instant download.